You'll Never Leave Hayling Alive

Today we headed off to Hayling Island, home of all things weird and wonderful. Plus some that were weird but not so wonderful, as I was soon to discover. 

We parked up in a residential road and set off towards the beach, scanning the kerbsides and garden edges for yearticks and ruderals. We soon found a nice big patch of Sweet Violet plus quite a few small Red Valerians, two plants that just don't occur up on Skye. We also found a few Shepherd's Purse and quite a few fleabanes, all of which seemed to be Guernsey Fleabane. 

Sweet Violet Viola odorata

Guernsey Fleabane Erigeron (Conyza) sumatrensis - one of two hairy fleabanes around here

We'd only been on site for a few minutes when a big lump of a fella pulling a cart down the pavement shouted across to me, "Oi, what you looking at?" At that precise moment I was squatted low over a patch of whitlowgrasses, so I stood up and said "Just looking at the plants, flowers and stuff". He seemed a bit rough around the edges, but I always try to engage any curious public when I can, let them know what I'm up to and why and so forth. "Just you away from of my garden or I swear I'll lay you out!" was the unexpected response. Oh right, gonna be like that is it? I've always been a bit of an annoying twat for backchatting and insisting on getting the last word. Obviously it's a great way to rev folks into a rage and I do enjoy the thrill of a scrap, but I've definitely come unstuck a couple of times in the past and let's face it, I'm not in my 20s anymore. However, this guy's first reaction was to threaten me with violence, even though he doesn't know me, we've never met before and I had done nothing to antagonise him. In my eyes that makes him a bully and I have little time for those. Plus I've never been one to meekly accept being bullied. He started to walk off, I wasn't finished yet. "So which one is your garden then? Y'know, just so I don't 'accidentally' upset you?" I mocked. As expected, he stomped straight across the street, cracking his knuckles quite dramatically, all the time yelling that he was about to give me the hiding of my life. I angled myself and simply stood my ground, staring him in the eyes. He stopped when he was about two foot from my face. I watched him, his shoulder never dropped. I just stared into his eyes and realised he was flat-out bluffing. We bantered back and forth for a few moments, I can't remember what we said but I stayed utterly calm throughout which probably stole his thunder. In the end he just walked away, picked up his cart and mouthed off something about not looking in his garden. I grinned my cheekiest ever grin and yelled "Well I'm off now" which made him spin back around. "I'm going down that alleyway. Y'know, just so I don't accidentally go into your garden" I said. He shouted "f*cking wanker" but walked off. For probably the first time in my life, I decided to let the other guy have the last word and watched him stomp off, presumably thinking he'd somehow won. Hey ho, knobbers are everywhere I guess...

We did, in fact, take 'that alleyway' which led us through some coastal pines and out onto the dunes at the top of the beach. I soon realised I'd been here with Ghostie before, this was where I'd first seen Sea Knotgrass and Hare's-tail Grass two or three years back. Today we found Greater Periwinkle sprawled around the base of bramble patches and Tree Mallow growing at the top of the beach. We passed through the Marram zone when I suddenly spotted a carpet of Early Meadow-grass in the sand. I dropped to my elbows and knees and started papping whilst Ghostie mumbled something along the lines of "just because it's pale and in the sand doesn't make it Early Meadow-grass". I looked up, "Yeah, it does actually" I replied and continued papping, smiling away to myself as he reached for the field guide, quietly mumbling and muttering to himself the whole time. 

Early Meadow-grass Poa vernalis. Deffo.

Ghostie grabbed a sample and that evening did an impressively thorough dissection beneath his microscope. He has a slide micrometer and had managed to measure the flower parts to within a tenth of a millimetre. I had a sneaky look, very nice indeed! I need to get myself one of those once I'm back on Skye. Sadly for him, it really was Early Meadow-grass...

Meanwhile, back on the beach, Ghostie called me over to come look at something. I stood up and spotted a seedling Monterey Cypress growing out of the sand! Oh wow, we'd passed beneath the planted trees on the approach to the beach but I hadn't expected to find them self-seeding in the dunes. I took a few pics

Monterray Cypress Hesperocyparis macrocarpa seedlings at the top of the beach

If anybody has Photoshop and fancies cutting out that grass blade, I can send you the original file. At the time I thought it would look authentic and arty, but actually it ruins the pic. I stood up from taking rubbish pictures of the Monterey Cypress seedlings to see what Ghostie was calling me over to see. "There's a Monterey Cypress over here for you to yeartick"....

We finished our botanising at the beach and headed off to explore another part of Hayling Island. Eastern Rocket had been recently reported by the Hayling Ferry buildings and I for one was keen to try for it. Ghostie had seen it here before but it would be a new plant for me. We stopped off at a couple of spots on our way there, seeing the Tartarian Honeysuckle Lonicera tatarica near the entrance to a car park and finding Bladder Senna Colutea arborescens at The Kench. I looked for signs of Cock's Eggs at their Sinah Common site. No joy, I guess it's too early in the year for them to be up yet, but I did stumble across a clump of Sowbread Cyclamen hederifolium, which was unexpected. The roadsides held acre upon acre of Winter Heliotrope Petasites fragrans, a plant that has just a single old record from Skye

Winter Heliotrope Petasites fragrans

We had a good old hunt around the buildings in search of the Eastern Rocket, finding a single clump of Seaside Daisy Erigeron glaucus, lots of Snow-in-summer Cerastium tomentosum and quite a lot of mostly gone-over Oxford Ragwort Senecio squalidus. Of the Eastern Rocket, we found some dead sticks which may, or may not, have been it. Oh well.

Seaside Daisy Erigeron glaucus

Snow-in-summer Cerastium tomentosum

Oxford Ragwort Senecio squalidus

Tree Lupin Lupinus arboreus - commonly encountered just inland of the beach

All morning we'd been finding huge great basal rosettes of an unknown plant. I wondered if it was Sea Radish, and finally we found some of last year's pods to confirm it

Sea Radish Raphanus raphanistrum subsp. maritimus basal leaves with my size 10 boot for scale

Raphanus raphanistrum subsp. maritimus - last year's pod

The keen eyed amongst you may have already spotted the state of my bootlace in the image above. This is what happens when you tangle with impenetrable bramble thickets, as I did the day I arrived here. We cut across to the shingle in search of a few cobble-loving species, namely Sea-kale, Yellow Horned-poppy and Sea Holly. The holly was reduced to dessicated fragments of crispy leaf, blowing around like debris. The Sea-kale leaves had reduced to dead sheets, long since rotted and draped like a brown film across the pebbles. The poppy was at least visible, though hardly at its finest

Yellow Horned-poppy Glaucium flavum

But pride of place for the most underwhelming yeartick of the day went to the Sea-kale...

Sea-kale Crambe maritima - looking like an extra from Jabba the Hutt's palace

I finished the day on 275 plant species for the year. 1000 seems a very long way away yet. 

This is Darrell Scott performing You'll Never Leave Hayling Alive. Bad luck Darrell...we did.